twice in a row..

You were in my dreams the other night, and then again last night. I hate myself for having you there. For thinking of you unconsciously.

I never think of you intentionally, but there were times that I remember you in things, things we used to do, eat, and places we used to go. I remember you there, but then I always quickly close my eyes to remember that I am blessed, that I am free, that this suffering I am feeling is justified, for this is the will of our Lord.

I always pray to Him that if it is possible for Him to erase your memories in my mind, then do so, because I don't want to catch myself remembering you, us, and thinking that life is unfair. I am like this, while you are happy with your life. While you are with a new girl. but the real question is, is she really your "new girl" after me? Or was she your girl "during me"? But as the saying goes, "what you don't know won't hurt you". I don't want to know because it'll just hurt me twice as much knowing that you are cheating. It'll erase the memory of you being a good guy and a good friend. It'll make the pain turn into hatred towards you. If you ever did cheat on me, it's on you. On your character, on your morals, on you being a person. I may be a bitch, but so is Karma. I'll let her hunt you.

Don't come into my mind again. I am trying so hard to move on. I don't want you anymore because I don't want to be with someone who gives up easily.

I am trying so hard to fight my unconscious memories of you.